Thursday, July 20, 2017

How To Create And Design Your Balanced Life

July 10, 2012 by  
Filed under Skillset

Ever felt like the successful people in your world had a genius, stable, and simple blueprint for success?

We live in a world where balance has been defined and characterized to be a finite goal. And it is one which women must attain as part of their daily lives.

If you’re a woman, you probably live the fact that with each passing day more and more women are required to absorb many roles. You engage in a daily battle to win at getting a hint of balance. In a sense you ARE a balancing act.  So what happens is that at the end of each day when not fully accomplished in said or prescribed manner the result is pure disappointment. The quest for balance ends up cultivating self-doubt like hordes.

How can this positive state of balance be so jammed packed with lofty expectations which end up creating stress, discontent and for some self-destruction?

It’s a myth. I said it. Balance is a myth.

It’s a myth that is plagued with a false unattainable state of being. The manner it has been defined or how the meaning of balance has evolved creates a condescending dream for many many women who strive for it.  And when these same women try to ‘Just Do It’ and fail, they end up defining themselves as failures when they don’t seem to “Get It.”

Here’s the deal… With each attempt, self-doubt and contempt moves in like an uninvited roommate.

It is the beginning of a vicious cycle that tries to create a state or more so perpetuate a state that’s honestly impossible to achieve because it’s based on other people’s perception of your reality.

Eavesdrop on women mastermind groups, whether set in boardrooms atop skyscrapers, fitness centers, mommy hangouts like the park, university towers, or virtual hidey-holes like Google + and Skype, and you will hear about…

…the NEED to create balance,

…the WANT to reach a dream state where all can be achieved without stress,

…the HABITS created or broken as a result of this balancing act,

…the FEELINGS of doubt that are birthed or raid your mental state yet again because you didn’t get to all your line items on your hideous To DO List,

…the COMPARISON MONSTERS who stare with their ugly faces and boast about Your “I CANT’S,”

…how this comparison stings with DISGUST at yet another dawn of repulsive and utter second-rate daily achievements.

What HOGWASH! Yes, I’ll say it again. Balance is a myth because if we really get raw, dirty, and stinkin’ honest with ourselves then we would realize that this balancing act is an act many engage in for the sake of looking good to others and being good for others.

Do you realize that when you stop acting like everyone else or like you perceive you should act that ‘balance’ no longer eludes you. Balance no longer has a hold on you.

When you acknowledge that it’s more than an outside job and just as much if not more an inside job then balance no longer dodges you.

Last week while meeting with one of my mastermind groups, a few of the leaders were courageous enough to dare I say expose their balancing acts. Although it wasn’t pretty, the way that they created ‘balance’ was REAL. It was inspiring and it revealed that the insanity they live and which attempts to create a likeness of balance was in actuality how they attained relief and released the myth. In essence it was the sane that made sense of the chaos in bite size chunks.

What did it look like? I’ll tell you what it didn’t look like.

It wasn’t an A, B, then C, etc… plan. All the goals in their plans were scattered throughout their day and there appeared to be no apparent ‘order.’ Can you believe that? Balance was located in the cozy yet weird and chaotic nooks and crannies of their day. It seemed deranged; there was no linear order whatsoever but these women bred and duplicated success into their day, like the sun greets the earth every morning…CONSISTENTLY.

What am I saying with all of this?  Balance is quite personal. It’s relative. It’s what works for you but may not work for me.  It’s not what your girlfriend does or doesn’t do. In the end it’s what you do to believe in you, all of YOU! It’s what you say to yourself when nobody’s around. It’s what is echoed in the inner halls of your mind. It is the behavior you adopt when nobody is looking.

Balance is an inside job.

What you say and do in your mental screen will be mirrored in your outer world. Your environment will be in a state of disarray because your mindset is cluttered with nasty, unattainable expectations. OR… your environment will feel stable because you have released all expectations and removed the garbage from your head (which includes other people’s garbage).

Balance when set by others is difficult for many to achieve. It is best when defined by you and when you let your life style determine what counts. You and your life are your own baseline. Learn from others when you get together and when you observe other models but know that your life as well as how you obtain balance is unique.

If balance slips through your days, STOP repeating the prescribed pattern that is causing your jillion of self-doubt. Insanity is doing the same thing day after day with the expectation that things will get better.

 

Want to find out how to create your better?

Identify at least 3 successful moments in your life and record as much of the details about those instances. In particular, make a note of how did you feel, and what did you do to create your balance? Who were you modeling? Look for and identify your patterns.

Study your examples with fervent passion.  Review your bouts of achievement so that you can repeat your success blueprint.

When you identify your unique pattern for obtaining and maintaining balance as well as the moments when you go into a tizzy, you can be better prepared for the ‘unexpected’ and create your own style of balance in order to design your ‘balanced’ life.

Flickr.com Photo Credit: preef/3755884432/; kevharb/5149837617/ & turatti/4371271757/

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6 Responses to “How To Create And Design Your Balanced Life”
  1. Laura Morris says:

    Hi Miriam,

    Wow..what a totally honest and right on piece. If I look back at all the pressure I put on myself as a young mommy raising my little ones, working part time AND going to college..it’s no wonder I got fibromyalgia! I fell for “the myth” hook line and sinker, living in suburban Los Angeles, with all the chic expectations, status, and social ideologies. It lasted a VERY short time, because I woke up to it, and said this is crazy!! This is NOT ME!! I am a unique woman, with my own thoughts, ideas, and especially precious family and health!
    I love the suggestions you gave for listing some times in our lives when we achieved balance and who we modeled. Thankfully I had strong friendships and family and still do..and learned some huge lessons about what’s truly important. I think God has a way of waking us up one way or another…

    • Miriam Buhr says:

      Hi Laura,
      I was inspired to write this piece after listening to the amazing leaders that I’ve been hanging out with. To dare put this out spoke a great deal about their character.

      A great deal of gals and guys experience these feelings but keep it hush because of the fear associated with the incessant recording in your head that plays, “what will they say about me?”

      Your body is your barometer and it will tell you the things that you need to pay attention to especially when you keep stuffing these emotions back inside of you. There comes a point when it says, “you will hear what I have to say!”

      It’s refreshing to see when others take the road less traveled and confront this myth about perfect balance. Perfect is as perfect does period:)

      Laura, it’s great to have your input here…many will learn from your experience!
      ~Miriam

  2. James McCabe says:

    My own understanding is that balance is sense of self. It cannot be determined by outside forces. It can be influenced, however, that in itself creates an imbalance to your inner peace. When we are in balance we are at peace. Our daily living and thought patterns seem to flow with ease. When we become conscious of that state, we can focus more on how to maintain that level of balance.

    • Miriam Buhr says:

      Spot on James! Having a clear idea of who you are and what you represent can offer you boundless opportunities! I believe that balance is relative and unique to our lives! It’s elusive when we allow masks to take over but when we are ‘being’ true to self no influence can influence us out of the peaceful state that we seek. ~Miriam

  3. “Balance is an inside job.”

    I loved that!!
    So often I’ve found that when I’m scattered and frazzled (ie un-balanced), it’s never about what’s going on outside but how I’m dealing with it.

    A few deep breaths, maybe a hot yoga class or a soul-connection with a friend
    and balance can be restored.

    It’s important to note that nothing’s really changed about what’s going on in my life … it’s all about what’s going on in my head.

    Bliss-ings and endless admiration,
    the goddess known as Jacqui

  4. paula wind says:

    Powerful post! Once you start reading it you want to get to the end…to the solution; where is this heading. The balancing act. I can relate. Also to the rude interuptions crossing your plan for the day. Life will not be put in a box.People should not be put in boxes. The freedom to maintain your balance in a way that works for you is important and precious. Otherwise we will all be clones of each other. I don’t think so. I like your honest and straight forward approach!

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