Self Love or Selfish Narcissism? How To Build Confidence
A few days ago, I posted a photo in one of my social media hangouts that simply said, “F.L.Y. First Love Yourself. Others Will Come Next.”
Self-love is one of those things that we can all learn to embrace in different ways. I believe it all starts with love and ends with love if your purpose goes beyond yourself. Ironic thought because for some self-love is interpreted as selfish and for some a narcissistic quality. That is far from how I define self-love.
After I posted this photo, a few people raised their hands and said they liked it. While one person wrote, “The lack of self-esteem and self-love is the number one thing I see with people when I work with them with hypnosis. It is the number one reason for weight issues. Telling someone they need to love themselves does not work. They first need to find out why they do not.”
If you knew me, you would realize that I’m all about transformation. That one phrase or piece of advice may not cover all but serves as an initial push for change for many and an inspiration for those who were once in the depths of a situation that called for change.
I don’t know the intention of said remark and after a while I cared not to go too deep into analysis. Yet I wanted the message to stand on its own merit without this notion that the need for self-love does not work because deep exploration is a must.
It’s my experience that people who step into your space are not blank slates. So here was my response, “Of course when it comes to souls that have deep seeded self-esteem issues and self-limiting beliefs there is work to be done for self-love to harvest. It’s tough to sow good seeds on ground that’s not fertile.
However, I also know based on experience that there are shades of self-esteem issues and that the same people that once were devastated by their inner demons progress to a level that allows them to appreciate a message which reminds them love conquers all! Begin with you, self-l♥ve and soon you’ll see it produce & reciprocate in your outside world.”
How ironic or what a synchronicity of sorts that on that same day, I also received an email from a colleague, Crystal Andrus, who spoke about this same topic. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute which the world’s #1 on-line Personal Empowerment Coaching Certification School.
She spends her days helping women learn how to love themselves. She says that “Once we step into self-love we make empowered choices!” It was refreshing to hear about her experience with her clients and this topic of self-love. When most of her clients first go to her, they desperately want to love themselves but they feel guilty or unsure of what self-love even looks like. Many worry that they’ll be portrayed as selfish, self-serving, or self-absorbed.
In her message, she described what self-love is not and this is what it looks like:
- “Forgetting about those you love. Saying things such as, “I’m sorry! But I have to love myself!!! Humph!
- Have abs of steel, a monstrous bank account, or hundreds of friends and admirers (although these things might happen once you do love yourself).
- Selfish narcissism. You are not better than anyone else, nor are your problems more important than others.
- A noun…(it’s a verb. It is a journey that never ends. It is a daily way of living, loving, speaking, eating, moving, giving and receiving. It is making choices that are worthy of who you are. And even more importantly, it’s loving yourself even when you don’t make all the perfect choices. It’s, in fact, loving the imperfections as much as the perfections).”
So then what is Self-love? It is described as living in alignment with who you really are. But do you know who you really are? I want to share with you how the idea of self-love was so lovingly described…
“Let me remind you: You are a divine, special, holy child of God — pure, passionate, trusting, willing, loving, forgiving, courageous, and joyous. You are unique and important. Your dreams, needs, and desires matter. There is no one in the world like you. But in order to step fully into yourself, you need to find your bliss. The way you do this is to be honest with yourself: ‘To thine own self be true’.”
If you would like to learn how to love yourself more, or what is self-love, then I want to invite you to a call that Crystal Andrus and Allana Pratt are doing Thursday, July 19 at 7pm ET/ 4pm PT. It’s a free teleseminar called “Intimate Conversations.” During this free call they will explore and share:
- What I truly value and desire in a profound intimate connection
- Where I struggle, what sabotages me from having deep delicious intimacy
- How I’ve been able to shift this for myself and my clients
- And how profound intimacy has affected my success, confidence and abundance”
Register for free HERE!
“Intimate Conversations” with Allana Pratt and Crystal Andrus!
Allana Pratt, our S.W.A.T. Featured Partner, has a special energy that truly inspires women to look at intimacy in their lives and how it affects their success, confidence and abundance.
Work is essential to get to a place where we are courageous enough to conquer what we confront and that which is stopping us from being our best self. I believe self-love is important. And one little affirmation may not be the ‘Be all, End all or Magic bullet’ but it can serve as a vehicle to change forward.
Be on this call. You won’t want to miss it.
You never know if you’ll hear that piece of advice that will inspire you to act and ooze with more confidence!