Thursday, July 20, 2017

Self Love or Selfish Narcissism? How To Build Confidence

July 17, 2012 by  
Filed under Featured, Mindset Patterns

A few days ago, I posted a photo in one of my social media hangouts that simply said, “F.L.Y. First Love Yourself. Others Will Come Next.”

Self-love is one of those things that we can all learn to embrace in different ways. I believe it all starts with love and ends with love if your purpose goes beyond yourself. Ironic thought because for some self-love is interpreted as selfish and for some a narcissistic quality. That is far from how I define self-love.


After I posted this photo, a few people raised their hands and said they liked it. While one person wrote, “The lack of self-esteem and self-love is the number one thing I see with people when I work with them with hypnosis. It is the number one reason for weight issues. Telling someone they need to love themselves does not work. They first need to find out why they do not.”


If you knew me, you would realize that I’m all about transformation. That one phrase or piece of advice may not cover all but serves as an initial push for change for many and an inspiration for those who were once in the depths of a situation that called for change.


I don’t know the intention of said remark and after a while I cared not to go too deep into analysis. Yet I wanted the message to stand on its own merit without this notion that the need for self-love does not work because deep exploration is a must.


It’s my experience that people who step into your space are not blank slates. So here was my response, “Of course when it comes to souls that have deep seeded self-esteem issues and self-limiting beliefs there is work to be done for self-love to harvest. It’s tough to sow good seeds on ground that’s not fertile.

However, I also know based on experience that there are shades of self-esteem issues and that the same people that once were devastated by their inner demons progress to a level that allows them to appreciate a message which reminds them love conquers all! Begin with you, self-l♥ve and soon you’ll see it produce & reciprocate in your outside world.”


How ironic or what a synchronicity of sorts that on that same day, I also received an email from a colleague, Crystal Andrus, who spoke about this same topic. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute which the world’s #1 on-line Personal Empowerment Coaching Certification School.


She spends her days helping women learn how to love themselves. She says that “Once we step into self-love we make empowered choices!” It was refreshing to hear about her experience with her clients and this topic of self-love. When most of her clients first go to her, they desperately want to love themselves but they feel guilty or unsure of what self-love even looks like. Many worry that they’ll be portrayed as selfish, self-serving, or self-absorbed.

In her message, she described what self-love is not and this is what it looks like:

  • “Forgetting about those you love. Saying things such as, “I’m sorry! But I have to love myself!!! Humph!
  • Have abs of steel, a monstrous bank account, or hundreds of friends and admirers (although these things might happen once you do love yourself).
  • Selfish narcissism. You are not better than anyone else, nor are your problems more important than others.
  • A noun…(it’s a verb. It is a journey that never ends. It is a daily way of living, loving, speaking, eating, moving, giving and receiving. It is making choices that are worthy of who you are. And even more importantly, it’s loving yourself even when you don’t make all the perfect choices. It’s, in fact, loving the imperfections as much as the perfections).”


So then what is Self-love? It is described as living in alignment with who you really are. But do you know who you really are? I want to share with you how the idea of self-love was so lovingly described…

“Let me remind you: You are a divine, special, holy child of God — pure, passionate, trusting, willing, loving, forgiving, courageous, and joyous. You are unique and important. Your dreams, needs, and desires matter. There is no one in the world like you. But in order to step fully into yourself, you need to find your bliss. The way you do this is to be honest with yourself: ‘To thine own self be true’.”

If you would like to learn how to love yourself more, or what is self-love, then I want to invite you to a call that Crystal Andrus and Allana Pratt are doing Thursday, July 19 at 7pm ET/ 4pm PT. It’s a free teleseminar called “Intimate Conversations.”  During this free call they will explore and share:

  • What I truly value and desire in a profound intimate connection
  • Where I struggle, what sabotages me from having deep delicious intimacy
  • How I’ve been able to shift this for myself and my clients
  • And how profound intimacy has affected my success, confidence and abundance”

Register for free HERE!

“Intimate Conversations” with Allana Pratt and Crystal Andrus!

Allana Pratt, our S.W.A.T. Featured Partner, has a special energy that truly inspires women to look at intimacy in their lives and how it affects their success, confidence and abundance.

Work is essential to get to a place where we are courageous enough to conquer what we confront and that which is stopping us from being our best self. I believe self-love is important. And one little affirmation may not be the ‘Be all, End all or Magic bullet’ but it can serve as a vehicle to change forward.

Be on this call. You won’t want to miss it.

You never know if you’ll hear that piece of advice that will inspire you to act and ooze with more confidence!


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10 Responses to “Self Love or Selfish Narcissism? How To Build Confidence”
  1. becky says:

    I LOVE the description of self-love that you give. Really beautiful. The call sounds like it will be a good one :)

  2. Sandy says:

    Beautifully said Miriam! As a child, I knew there were things I would do differently. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and am trying to make the best possible choices for my children because I’ve learned to take care & love myself.
    Thanks for sharing!! You continue to bless me with your insight!

    • Miriam Buhr says:

      Sandy, Happy that I can share a little bit of me to bring clarity in your life :) Our life lessons can be a blessing if we dare chose to make them so.
      Some of it deals with how much we dare allow. Advice I also go back to every day. Thank you Sandy!

  3. Laura Morris says:

    Becoming a total loving being with complete self confidence requires falling in love with all of who you are, faults and quirks and all. Once you accept (or I do) the past, the good, the bad, and the beautiful, you open up the space for all good to flow. When you are caught up in negative self talk, and especially self doubt and fear, the flow of attraction is halted, and we wonder why? It’s perfectly clear to me. It was not always though.
    It took me some time to really GET this, but once I truly embraced all of myself, I was able to create the life of my dreams, and continue to still. Thanks Miriam for a beautiful post as always!

    • Miriam Buhr says:

      It takes courage to look beyond our perceived faults. The beauty is that ultimately everything that we do and experience reveals our inner strength and authentic soul! Being stuck is a by-product of our ingrained habits. It’s not clear because our true essence is clouded by irrational thoughts which have morphed into a normal way of interacting with self and others. Being vulnerable is not for the weak hearted. It takes some work but oh so worth it! Thank you Laura for sharing your experience and thoughts with us!

  4. Miriam I absolutely Love the F.L.Y photo and the message it shares.

    Once we are able to recognise who we truly are and develop a relationship with ourselves we will become aware that we are all connected. ‘Other’ people will then become mirrors to what is going on internally for us.

    Is there a replay for the teleseminar?



    • Miriam Buhr says:

      That F.L.Y. message hit home too Janelle!

      And yes you can hear the replay of the Allana Pratt and Crystal Andrus teleseminar when you register using the link on my post.

      You’ll find inspiring pieces and wisdom in it 😉

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your take home message!

  5. I agree with you and with Laura’s point above. Self love is about accepting who we are, and loving all of those parts that make up the whole of us. I was lucky enough to have been brought up in a family that advocated self respect, self esteem and self love, and if you grow up with those values it is easier to recognise them and know they are an important part of your life.

    Enjoy the journey.


    • Miriam Buhr says:

      Bravo Mandy! You so get it and your roots sure helped you embrace this beautiful attitude. Later experiences can shake people but if their foundation is solid, there is a higher likelihood that the missteps or difficult situations may not stop them from accomplishing their goals. Thank you for sharing!

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